Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
