um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
