an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
