she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
