All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
