piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
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I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
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so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize