I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
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He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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