last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
