ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My dick has a subreddit
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
