i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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