Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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