at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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