If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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