DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
