Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You took a bar mat shot.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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