Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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