Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
