I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
