Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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