I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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