I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
