I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
