If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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