Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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