We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
