It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize