it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I didn't shave. On purpose
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
