I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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