How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
