im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We need to rekindle our bromance
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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