I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
3 2 1 whiskey
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
