I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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