dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
