You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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