I wish I only lived at night.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
