Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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