Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
