In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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