They should really pass out barf bags in church
do herpes really smell.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
