got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
