I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
