I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize