Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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