Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
