Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
They took my balls.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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