When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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