i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
