Can Purell be used as lube?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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