It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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