At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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