using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
