it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
