they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
