Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
