Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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