the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
