Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
