I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
farters have to be the big spoon...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
