Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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