I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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