One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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