My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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