His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
