some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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