I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
