Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
