in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
