hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
