your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
