she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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