Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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